We are almost at the end of 2018 and I am exhausted. Exhausted emotionally and physically. And, I can say with some certainty, that I haven’t felt this unhealthy in a long time.
It is something I think about a lot these days and it makes me feel like Dorothy, trapped by the Wicked Witch in the tower, straining with all her might to turn the hourglass back. I am Dorothy. Wishing to find my way home. Back to comfort. Nostalgic for the good ‘ole days. You see, at the beginning of the 2018’s swansong, December, my Dad died. And just four days into the New Year will be the anniversary of my Mum’s passing.
Like so many people, Christmas isn’t a time to be merry, it is a time to reflect. It is a time to mourn, to cry, to hide, to run away, to feel, to be polite, to reassure others that you’re okay to make them feel better because how do they make your loss any less painful? They can’t. No-one can. Not even you.
So, how do you survive grief? And how do you re-set your life to a new normal that works for you but cannot include the ones you’ve loved and lost? These are the things I want to explore in my new blog series because I am not only in a profession that feels judged, criticised, lambasted and so often on its knees, but I am a writer. And I want to be a healthy writer.
As a new indie-author, of course, I want success – my definition of success – because I know in my heart what I want my life to look like. I want to feel alive every day and love what I do because I am so passionate about it. My mum and dad both had their passions. Mum lived for her garden – it was her sanctuary. She crafted and designed it, spent long summer evenings landscaping and pruning and back then I never understood or even thought about what she felt when she was in her garden. It is only now that I can truly appreciate the pride, the wonder and sense of peace it must have given her. Something I now crave myself. As for Dad, he was the complete opposite; speed and achievement were his drivers. He raced motorbikes when he was young, but it was on his bicycle that he really shone and racing, doing endurance events and raising money for charities fulfilled him every day. It gave him purpose. And what is life without purpose.
Time is short.
We must always make the most of it.
I signed up for Mel Robbins’ Mindset-Reset just out of curiosity and because she’s a motivational speaker and independent business woman who at one point not all that long couldn’t get out of bed. And some days I feel like that. Mum and Dad are gone. And they were two loves of my life. And all that remains is ash and a two parent-shaped holes in my heart where they once were.
You may be thinking, well, how are you going to become a healthy writer? It may be something you, yourself, are wanting to focus on. For me, this isn’t just about going to a gym, eating cleaner food, taking protein supplements which is what we hear so much of now on social media. It is about so much more… because I truly believe that our health is fundamental to how we create and cannot be uncoupled.
Write Healthy is about me.
Say that out loud to yourself…
How did it feel? Good? Bad? Wrong? Selfish? Refreshing?
Needed. For me, it feels needed.
The need to:
- commit to myself
- nourish my mind – exploring meditation, creating peace and space to read and write and to just be
- nourish my body – enjoying food I love, exploring new recipes, feeling good about eating clean to help me get lean and, importantly strong by working out and doing so in different ways; running, weight-lifting, yoga and avoiding injuries
- write as often as possible and develop my author platform (remember: it doesn’t have to be writing, it can be anything you enjoy and/or are passionate about)
- face my grief and understand what it means for me and to me
- nurture friendships and family relationships
- share the message about our planet, climate change and how we can all do our bit to protect so many species out there that are endangered. Endangered because of us.
Being Yorkshire-born often means no nonsense, getting a job done, straight to the point, knuckling down and keeping things simple.
So I will face 2019 with a sense of Yorkshireness; making simple changes to nourish my life and well, crack on with what, I believe, I need to become Write Healthy.
So let it begin…
*these pictures are from 2017 – a time when I felt healthy both in mind and body and I am determined to feel this good again, if not, even better…